


Sad Girls and High School

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Humanstuck, tw self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 17:35:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3496901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calliope is just your everyday high school student with alopecia. In typical high school fashion, she's bullied all to hell and she doesn't cope well. TW for self harm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sad Girls and High School

  


Calliope shut her door quietly, flopping onto her bed. Tears rolled down her dimpled cheeks. It wasn't fair. Why was Caliborn allowed to be happy, accepted? Why did they have to cast her out for being bald, when he was just as bare? She couldn't help that she had alopecia, it was genetic. But while her brother romped about freely and carelessly, she was cast out for being different. And to make it worse, she had a crush. In this town, though, her crush wouldn't be appreciated.

She sat up, running a hand over her scalp. Her hair had only fallen out this last summer, and she had sobbed as she yanked it out by the handful.

That was when she had taken a pencil sharpener and repurposed it. She didn't like to think of that summer.

"Moving on!" she whispered to herself. She had a British lilt in her voice, unlike her brother's brazen American accent. They made fun of her for that, too. She wiped her eyes, smiling. "I've got homework to do. Perhaps I should get started..." She shuffled through her bag, pulling out a clean binder with a small, exact label: _Algebra II_. She kept all of her schoolwork here. "Ah, yes! Here we are." She smiled, happy again. She hoped she didn't have another mood swings again, those suck.

Her door slammed open, denting the drywall again. Caliborn was always so rough with things.

"Who the hell are you talking to." he spat gruffly barely raising his voice in a question.

She cringed. "Myself, Caliborn." She attempted a smile.

"What are you, fucking insane?" He guffawed at that like it was hilarious.

Her cheeks flushed and she silently chastised herself. "It helps me work."

"How the hell would that help?" She began to answer, but he just turned, slamming the door behind him, muttering something to the effect of, "I don't fucking care."

Whew. Encounters with him were always stressful. It was bad enough to live in the same house as him. She didn't see much of him at school, though, which was lucky. She turned to lean back against her headboard, propping the clipboard on one knee.

"Ah, algebra!"

***

An alarm buzzed offhandedly, like a small child making noise for no reason. Calliope scrunched her eyes tightly, opening them with as much strength as she could muster. There was nothing to see except perfect blackness. Caliborn had taped her windows again. He must think he's hilarious, with his clever "pranks". She stood and stumbled blearily to her bathroom, hitting her arm on the door frame. She blindly fished for her razor in the medicine cabinet.

"Ah-!" she gasped, sticking her index finger in her mouth. She was definitely awake now. Turning on a light, she looked cautiously inside and saw the tiny blade from the sharpener, sitting unwrapped where it nicked her. She lifted it gingerly, holding it at an arm's length to her window. The razor easily slid through the tape, and it fell away, blinding her.

"Aah, dammi-" she clapped her hands over her mouth. She never did like to curse, it was highly uncouth. Setting it aside, she went about her morning routine. She'd been thinking on something she wanted to do for a while, but never had the guts to. Why not do it today? The thought made her smile bashfully. She picked out a pair of skinny jeans and a small white t-shirt, rounding it out with an oversized hoodie she had no intention of taking off. She was too nervous to eat, she decided. Maybe later. Looping her bag over her shoulder, she dashed out to the bus stop as it pulled up.

***

An electronic beeping came through the intercom, signaling the end of 6th period. Apparently schools couldn't afford real bells anymore, or didn't care. Callie thought it was kinda funny, in a pitiful way. She closed her binder, packing it all slowly as she waited for everyone to go. Jane usually was the last out, for no discernible reason. Calliope could, with luck, catch her in the hallway alone.

She stood, glancing at Jane slightly as she sauntered out the door, slowly. Calliope had basically been crushing on Jane since Jane moved here. She was completely infatuated, and though she knew it was probably a bad idea, she would shamelessly imagine movie nights and hand holding and hugs and makeouts and-

She started. Jane was walking out the door, and she'd almost missed it. Calliope sheepishly followed her out.

"J-Jane?" she croaked, shaking almost visibly.

"Wha- oh, hey, Calliope."

"Hi.." Her eyes shifted awkwardly. Whatever speech she'd prepared had disappeared.

"Well, what did you think of that math final?" 

Calliope jolted from her stupor. Jane's eyes were positively luminescent today.

"Oh, uh..thanks?" Shit. She'd said that out loud. "Uhm. Building on that, I suppose," she said shakily, "I wanted to tell you that I-I've liked you for a while, and-I wondered if you would like to go on a date."

Jane stopped walking, clutching her things to her chest. Callie blushed deeply, wringing her hands.

"Uh..." she cleared her throat, "well. Uh."

"If you need to think about it, you can." Cal said, almost too eagerly. Her heart beat in her throat.

"Well, I mean...I don't know you that well, you know?"

Her heart sank. "Yeah.."

"M-maybe some other time, after we've talked a while, you know?" Jane's eyes darted around a bit. Surely she was looking for an out.

"Yeah." she shook her head. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll go. Sorry." She whirled around and continued muttering apologies as she walked away briskly, tears stinging her eyes already.

"Calliope? Calliope, wait!"

Callie broke into a run, turning a corner before pushing out of the school doors.

***

Once again, Callie walked into her room and flopped on the bed. Why didn't Jane like her? Fuck. "She hardly even knew who I am."

Sitting up, she put her hands in her lap and tried to calm down. “She said no because she doesn't know you. She'd hardly ever talked to you what do you expect when you just go out and ask-” and she abruptly stopped.

Her wrist began to ache, her old scars throbbing. She traced them across her arm. They were a reminder of her failures, of her fears. Her blade sat wrapped on her nightstand.

***

Calliope sat hunched over on the edge of her bed. The window was dark except for a lone orange streetlight filtering in. Her left forearm was crossed with slits, dripping blood slowly into a pile of toilet paper hastily thrown down.  A small, tiny blade lay discarded on the floor by it. Her mouth was hanging slackly, her eyes shut but not forcefully. Her fingers twitched, and she winced as she tried to move them. She felt only a searing pain, and she had a notion to curse, but she decided against it. She'd meant to do this, after all.

Time passed in a blur. Too slow and too fast all at once, distorted by the constant pulse of fire from her arm. But that was the only thing on her mind, blessedly. Just as she wanted it to be.

It was odd, the way she snapped out of it by realizing, with a start, that the pain was now a dull sting. Slowly, achingly, she stood, wobbling slightly as she gingerly wrapped a torn t-shirt around the her checkered wrist. Begrudgingly, she slid off her stiff jeans and put on some pajamas. _Plaid_ , she noticed, and the thought calmed her a bit.

Apparently it was now 2:30 AM, and Cal was asleep. She ought to get some as well. She was so angry at herself for her relapse. Angry at all the people who felt it was their right to push her and beat her to do this.

And saddened by Jane. She didn't feel like feeling.

She fell asleep immediately.

***

She woke up blearily the next day, her alarm blaring for a solid five minutes before she stirred. Her arm, wrapped still in a sodden shirt, ached in the way she remembered. It was almost comforting. Sitting in front of her vanity, she took an appraisal of her face. Baggy eyes. Puffy cheeks. Smooth head.

As usual.

 _Huh_ , she thought. _Maybe no makeup today_.

  


_On second thought, no._   


She practiced her smile, knowing it would look fake otherwise. She tried moving her face in a fashion that seemed genuine enough. Meh. 

Soon enough, she looked like your typical teenage girl with a nice smile and alopecia totalis. Clad in skinny jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, and a poofy sweater, she walked out as the bus pulled up, conveniently. The bus was raucous, brazen, and unwatched.

But strangely, nobody bothered her. Maybe they noticed she didn't look very perky today. Or maybe she was no longer their punching bag. At least for today. Either way was good.

***

Lunchtime. Loud and chaotic as always. Callie was never hungry. She found a mostly empty table and sat with a book under her arm. As she sat, a familiar face sat beside her.

"Hey!!" she smiled widely, buckteeth showing adorably. Callie couldn't help but smile back.

"Hi there." she managed feebly.

""I'm Jade! Jade Harley!" she said, sticking her left hand out eagerly. Calliope shook it awkwardly.

"I'm Calliope." she stuttered, not making eye contact.

"Aw, that's an adorable name!" She blushed. "It's nice to meet you!" Callie nodded to her, then turned slightly. Something was off about this girl. She was almost...too eager. Like she was nervous? About what, then? 

Without warning, Jade reached for Callie's wrist to get her attention. Her hand brushed the edge of her sleeve.

Instinctually Calliope yanked her arm to her chest.

"Oh! Did I hurt you?"

Callie felt her face burn as she whispered, "No, I'm fine."

Jade stared at her sternly, but it was a silly sort. Her eyes were a stunning bright green underneath her furrowed brow. They sparkled with life. Jade's hand had found Callie's sleeve. She pulled her hand in tighter.

"What are you hiding?" she asked playfully.

Callie looked at her, a deep sadness betrayed in her eyes. “Uh, nothing. It's nothing.”

It took Jade a few seconds, but she got the hint. She gasped a little and her eyes went wide with apology. Calliope avoided eye contact. The next few seconds were probably the most awkward in her life.

But then Jade surprised her. 

Leaning in, she wrapped her in the most loving hug she'd ever received. Jade was soft and warm and more than inviting. Callie resisted a little, but after a few seconds she'd gone completely slack.

Jade held her there for a few minutes,rocking slightly, and then pushed her upright to look at her in the eyes.

"Are you okay?" she asked, with genuine concern. Calliope blinked and nodded slightly, her eyes unfocused.

"Well, good! I'm glad." she said with a toothy grin. "Aaaaaand in case you're wondering," she blushed deeply, "I think you're really cute."

With an eager nod, she stood and dashed off, blushing so hard Callie thought she might melt. Calliope sat, stunned. She smiled, remembering her gentle arms and her wonderful, sweet-smelling hair and her round, precious eyes.

And she smiled all the way to 5th period.

***

Her house was quiet, and dark. Caliborn was undoubtedly out partying, as usual. But it was no matter. In fact, perhaps it was better. Callie had opened her locker at school to find a small, torn slip of paper with a poorly scrawled phone number on it. She had an idea as to who it was, and the thought nearly made her faint with quiet excitement.

Her hands shook as she tapped in a small, tentative message: "hello! this is calliope. whose number might this be?"

Yes, good. Noncommittal, cool, chill. Not eager or weird in the slightest.

With a deep breath, she hit Send.

***

  


  


**Author's Note:**

> yeah man yea  
> (wip i hope)


End file.
